he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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