It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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