did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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