i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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