I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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