I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So many bounce houses so little time
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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