After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
