I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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