she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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