I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
