That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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