I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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