who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
BRING THE BAGELS
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
