The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
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I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
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Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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