Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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