You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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