What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Welp...herpes.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
