did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
