pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
