Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
