if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize