I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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