and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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