I didn't shave. On purpose
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
