the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
