It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
God, I missed his penis.
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