hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
