happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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