I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
