I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
