Kiss
Puke
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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