Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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