gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
