screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
