he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
