Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
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In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
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the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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