Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
