his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
