I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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