i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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