Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
