Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
