whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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