I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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