fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize