its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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