i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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