And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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