what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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