If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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