I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You pole danced in your parka.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
