note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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