What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
