Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i've created a new STD.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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