I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
