Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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