She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
