it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
