I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize