I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
